(Job Description obtained from "Careers in EDB" under "Job Opportunities")
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Dear Sir/Madam,
Application for Summer Internship-"Productivity Studies" with EDB
I am enclosing my CV in response to your advertisement for the above post which appeared in on the EDB website dated 22nd January 2010.
I am currently a penultimate undergraduate majoring in Industrial and Systems Engineering at the National University of Singapore (NUS). The reason why I am applying for this post is due to my keen interest in human resource and business management. With my career goal to become a business analyst, I am highly-driven to hone my skills in the area of human capital management as it is the most crucial department of a company. Being goal-oriented, I am currently taking modules under the Business School in Human Capital Management as well as Marketing Management to prepare myself for my future career.
Besides developing my knowledge in Human Capital Management, my passion for entrepreneurship serves as a great motivation in my application for this position. During my term as a judging executive in Start-Up@Singapore 2009 under the NUS Entrepreneurship Society (NES), I was given opportunities to liaise with industry experts and participants from various backgrounds. Furthermore, being the moderator of a networking event with over 80 registered participants has honed my public speaking and interpersonal skills. Through diverse and cross-cultural interactions, I became aware of how foreign expertise can contribute or influence Singapore's economy. After witnessing the diverse pool of talents which gathered to participant in the competition, I am convinced that human capital is the key to ensure the prosperity of Singapore's economy.
As it is crucial to quantify the actual impact human capital has on the development of Singapore's economy, strong analytical skills is required to conduct the study on productivity of human capital. With my industrial engineering background and prior experience interning as a business development executive at a local start-up company-CareerAlbum, I am confident that I have the necessary skills for this position. Furthermore, I have conducted case studies on foreign companies which were offering the similar product and had proposed possible solutions to ensure that CareerAlbum's product remains distinguished and competitive. With prior experience in research and case studies which has honed my patience and meticulousness in data analysis, I believe I will be able to fulfill the requirements of the project during my internship with EDB.
Lastly, I do hope that you will give me an opportunity to be part of the EDB team as I believe that I will be an asset to your team given my strong analytical mind, interpersonal skills and meticulousness in data analysis and past experiences in performing case studies. I look forward to meeting you in person to further discuss what my enclosed resume is not able to furnish.
I am enclosing my CV in response to your advertisement for the above post which appeared in on the EDB website dated 22nd January 2010.
I am currently a penultimate undergraduate majoring in Industrial and Systems Engineering at the National University of Singapore (NUS). The reason why I am applying for this post is due to my keen interest in human resource and business management. With my career goal to become a business analyst, I am highly-driven to hone my skills in the area of human capital management as it is the most crucial department of a company. Being goal-oriented, I am currently taking modules under the Business School in Human Capital Management as well as Marketing Management to prepare myself for my future career.
Besides developing my knowledge in Human Capital Management, my passion for entrepreneurship serves as a great motivation in my application for this position. During my term as a judging executive in Start-Up@Singapore 2009 under the NUS Entrepreneurship Society (NES), I was given opportunities to liaise with industry experts and participants from various backgrounds. Furthermore, being the moderator of a networking event with over 80 registered participants has honed my public speaking and interpersonal skills. Through diverse and cross-cultural interactions, I became aware of how foreign expertise can contribute or influence Singapore's economy. After witnessing the diverse pool of talents which gathered to participant in the competition, I am convinced that human capital is the key to ensure the prosperity of Singapore's economy.
As it is crucial to quantify the actual impact human capital has on the development of Singapore's economy, strong analytical skills is required to conduct the study on productivity of human capital. With my industrial engineering background and prior experience interning as a business development executive at a local start-up company-CareerAlbum, I am confident that I have the necessary skills for this position. Furthermore, I have conducted case studies on foreign companies which were offering the similar product and had proposed possible solutions to ensure that CareerAlbum's product remains distinguished and competitive. With prior experience in research and case studies which has honed my patience and meticulousness in data analysis, I believe I will be able to fulfill the requirements of the project during my internship with EDB.
Lastly, I do hope that you will give me an opportunity to be part of the EDB team as I believe that I will be an asset to your team given my strong analytical mind, interpersonal skills and meticulousness in data analysis and past experiences in performing case studies. I look forward to meeting you in person to further discuss what my enclosed resume is not able to furnish.
Thank you for your kind attention.
Yours Sincerely,
Wong Shu Yan
Hi Shu Yan,
ReplyDeleteYour letter is very concise, to the point and convincing with good attention given to the 7C’s. You have picked out some very good skills and qualities relevant to the Internship which have not been described in the job vacancy post.
Your breakdown of the paragraphs is also very effective and you have given sufficient examples and elaborations to support each skill/quality.
Just a few little points to take note of:
Start your letter by addressing it to a person, you can find out the name of the person involved in the recruiting or interviews or alternatively, you can address it to the position in charge of this application.
Also, a few slips in grammar, for example the corrected phrases should be - ‘The reason I am…’, ‘gathered to participate in…’, ‘key to ensuring the prosperity…’ and ‘strong analytical skills are required…’. You just need to proofread your application closely to avoid this.
Overall, a very engaging and convincing letter! Keep it up and all the best!
Regards,
Prameet
Hi Shu Yan,
ReplyDeleteAlthough the job post did not specify any requirements, you managed to match your skills to the job description.
Your application is clear. Relevant examples supporting your skills make the letter more concrete. The flow of the letter in also good, making it easy to read. Overall, I think most of the aspect of 7Cs are well covered.
However, it may be a little bit too long. The main body has around 450 words. The main body itself has exceeded 1 page using font 12 in MS word.
You can remove words such as,
"Being goal-oriented, I am currently taking modules under the Business School in Human Capital Management as well as Marketing Management to prepare myself for my future career.",
"to prepare myself for my future career" as you had stated you are goal-oriented before.
All the best.
Regards
Kenneth
Dear Shu Yan,
ReplyDeleteYour letter is quite clear and complete. You have a good knowledge of what requirements the post entails.
One thing to note is that though your list of experiences with NES and CareerAlbum is impressive,their credibility can be better established so that it can achieve the optimum effect. This can be done by stating how previous employers or staff or peers that you have worked with had viewed your performance positively. For instance, you mentioned about proposing possible solutions to CareerAlbum in your 4th paragraph. The reader would then want to know how the outcome had been, maybe like whether your proposal was viewed favorably. So you may want to add something positive about the outcome.
Regards,
Si Xiao
Hi all,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate the very kind and constructive comments all of you have given me :).
I have taken note of the long sentence Kenneth brought up and that my cover letter actually exceeded 1 page (even in 11 pt words) (my goodness, Kenneth actually checked!). I definitely will work on it to make it more concise.
Addressing the letter to a person in charge is quite a challenge; I did try to find the right point of contact but it wasn't easy, but tonight I will try harder.
SiXiao brought up the very good point of mentioning the outcome of the project, but due to the nature of the project the case study was merely used for internal discussion. Thus, if I were to say the outcome, it was definitely effective as my boss was convinced and accepted my ideas in some areas which can be strengthened. I will see how I can add this into the letter =)
I notice my major problem is still not looking through my draft carefully, but I will pay more attention from now on.
Thank you all for your patience and help given, I hope my comments similarly helped you =)
Looking forward to more comments from you!
Happy Chinese New Year!
Regards,
Shu Yan
February 12, 2010 8:10 AM